Unhealthy leadership behavior #426: Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a word most commonly used by people trying to convince their BFF to leave that toxic situationship.
But gaslighting, aka the act of manipulating someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity, is a rampant and unhealthy behavior found in leaders of companies everywhere.
The issue with gaslighting as a concept is that it is super subtle. That’s the whole point! Manipulation wouldn’t be manipulation if it were easy to pick up on and easy to avoid.
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When a leader or boss gaslights an employee, it can look like:
…SHOOTING THE MESSENGER…
Your organization has a new board member. You know horrible information about this person that could eventually become a scandal. So, you speak up privately to the person in charge. You get screamed at and berated and told you can’t be trusted. Huh?
…TELLING BOLD LIES…
“Nobody is getting raises this year,” they say. “You’re not getting a raise this year for reasons I can’t really justify so I’m just going to lie to you and if you eventually find out, I’ll make you feel like you’re at fault for having that information,” they mean.
…MAKING PROMISES THEY DON’T KEEP…
Did they promise you that promotion or extra staff member as long as you deliver on xyz? Did you even make a written agreement, just to be safe? When push came to shove did they introduce a mysterious never-before-spoken factor that miraculously relieves them of any responsibility for not upholding the agreement? Yup. You’ve been gaslit.
…MINIMIZING ACHIEVEMENTS...
They tell you the work you produce “isn’t worth” the salary you’re being paid - even though they have no intention of letting you go or reducing your pay. Bonus points if you have had this said to you while being able to list multiple colleagues making much more than you and doing much less.
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When gaslighting becomes a part of a company’s culture, it can be extremely damaging in nearly every way that matters - staff retention, staff development, equity, diversity and inclusion, efficiency and effectiveness, profit, image, etc.
It promotes secrecy over transparency. It uses fear as a primary motivator. It creates instability that fosters dependency.
And so people share less and less and believe it is “just them” more and more. They feel trapped. And finally, they leave feeling demoralized and guilty for not being able to handle it.
There are many ways to deal with gaslighting culture but it all starts with employees being unafraid to call it when they see it. Gaslighting thrives in darkness, so shedding light on it is key.
And don't worry - If everyone you speak to is experiencing the same thing, you’re not being delusional. You’re being gaslit.