That all or nothing attitude was never serving you (and it definitely isn’t now)

For most of my young life as a musician, I was taught that singular focus and dedication was the key to success. 

I remember hearing that I had to get my 10,000 hours in quicker than my peers in order to rise. I learned that specialization, not well-roundedness, was the key to thriving. And of course, the equation to performing at Carnegie Hall was crystal clear - practice practice practice.

I eagerly subscribed to this guidance and whole-heartedly believed that a work-centric, 110% committed, tunnel vision approach would pave the road to excellence.

And then I met Fenwick Smith. 

Arguably one of the best second flutists in the world, Fenwick Smith’s no nonsense, smart, and focused approach to music attracted me to his studio. I assumed I was signing up for a very serious, hardcore two years of focus on orchestral flute playing that would give me the success his students were notorious for.

That couldn’t have been further from the truth.

In addition to his “day job” at the Boston Symphony Orchestra, he was also a flute maker, committed teacher, active commissioner and performer of new music, builder of his own house, recording studio refurbisher and owner, human rights activist, and notoriously outstanding friend and colleague to many. 

In our lessons, questions about flute were always met with direct answers - except they were about life, not flute. It was clear that for him, being a flutist was a small piece of a larger life, and that all of the pieces benefitted greatly from each other. 

It was also clear that moderation was ever-present in his success. Very much a Quaker, he was not pompous nor was he into life-hacking his way into optimization. He cultivated inner steadiness and took life as it came to him. His extraordinary work ethic existed totally without that all-or-nothing attitude so familiar to me.

It was simple. It was effective. And it was freeing.

In my experience, the glorification of an extreme, all-in approach to work is not only present in classical music. The perspective is rampant in all areas of corporate and nonprofit life.

The issue is, this approach does not age well through times of uncertainty. Under the additional stress of the unknown, this approach starts to crumble, and the person is usually left frozen in self-blame, anger, and fear.

Does that sound familiar to you? Because it sure sounds familiar to me! 

A lot of people I’m speaking with these days have had the parameters of their all-or-nothing lifestyles shift on them, and as a result are crippled by the belief that they have failed forever and permanently. 

But here’s the thing…

If you are a musician who is crushed because you used to measure your success by the number and types of gigs you had lined up - but now the gigs are dried up….

If you are a CEO who is irate because you used to measure your success by how streamlined and automatic you made the workplace - but the unwieldy landscape has rendered your carefully constructed systems obsolete….

If you are an employee who is lost because you used to measure your success by how much you anticipated and met the needs of those around you - but you have no idea what people needed yesterday let alone tomorrow….

If you are an entrepreneur who is terrified because you used to measure your success by how much revenue you earned and how quickly - but the current world has made your sector unpredictable….

…Don’t worry. Take a breath. You did nothing wrong. 

This doesn’t mean you have to pivot, start over, or focus on a new specialty. You just need to expand your focus a little wider to see the areas of your life that have existed alongside your specialty all along.

In an all-or-nothing paradigm, we are taught that in order to achieve success, we have to get rid of everything that isn’t the #1 focus of the moment - even if we have spent years or decades building it. 

By expanding the lens through which we define ourselves and our success, rather than switching out the lens entirely, we afford ourselves the opportunity to truly grow. We get to keep the parts of ourselves that we have fostered and use them to cultivate the new projects or paths of any given moment.

Ultimately, we expand our capacity as a human being- simply and moderately, through pure work ethic, without ego or life-hacking optimization. 

No, it’s not a flashy process. There aren’t 10,000 hours to log. And when something goes wrong, there isn’t a process or person to blame. 

But the end result is more effective and more freeing than you could ever imagine.