Shhhhhhhh..........

I have an invitation for you.

You are cordially invited to be with yourself in silence.

I know, I know. You don’t wanna! And the good news is you don’t have to!

However, I would highly recommend it. Here’s why…

Turning the volume up

When my best friend died in 2013, I made an unintended and surprising lifestyle change that would stick around for many years. 

Grief, to me, often felt like a bit like claustrophobia. And it was worst when my surroundings were silent. Somehow, the silence made me feel more alone. 

So, I turned the volume up in the most convenient way I knew how. I turned on Netflix! 

Netflix became my fluffy security blanket, masking scary silence from getting too close. Shows like 30 Rock, Arrested Development, and The Office played in the background constantly. And when they were there, I felt like I could breathe. They provided a reprieve from the overwhelming cliff of emotion waiting for me on the other side of the pause button.

Television wasn’t my only form of silence-dodging. On my morning commute, I started listening to podcasts and music. Soon, my headphones followed me everywhere. 

I remember the first time I was forced to sit in silence after that year. It was 2014 and the power had just gone out. And while I was fine, I was also scattered. I was anxious and fidgety and unable to conceive of what to do. 

So I did the only thing I could think to do to escape the silence that had just been thrust upon me.

I took a nap.

Wherever you go, there you are.

The old adage “time heals all wounds” has a profound truth to it. However, in my opinion, it requires an update. 

Time heals all wounds…. when we are present with ourselves through time.

Time heals all wounds…. as long as we recognize the wound is there in the first place. 

Time heals all wounds…. when we allow spaciousness in our time for the healing vs. stuffing our time in tight with distractions like sardines in a sardine can.

But we live in a time where distraction is so instantly available to us that we often don’t even recognize how many numbing mechanisms we are participating in. Scrolling, listening, watching, talking, and reading occupy the majority of our lives.

And many of us have wounds - old and new - that have simply never been acknowledged because we were able to stuff that hole up with distractions.

So we don’t see them. And when we don’t see them, we don’t give them space and presence. And when we don’t give wounds space and presence - time, unfortunately, does not heal them all.

The silence scaries

It can be extremely scary to be in silence with yourself. That’s normal! 

Allowing yourself to be in silence for the first time in a long time is kind of like opening a drawer where you simply shoved all of your parking tickets without paying them. It can feel confrontational, painful, uncomfortable, triggering, etc.

But, that part quickly passes. And on the other side is peace, productive thought, awareness, and creativity. On the other side is healing.

And in my humble opinion, we could all use a little extra healing right now.

So, if you want to try this silence thing on, but feel overwhelmed - start small.

Wait 10 minutes before looking at or listening to anything when you wake up.

Go on a walk, and don’t take your phone.

Cook a meal without turning the television or music on.

Start small, but make it routine. Give yourself silence when you’re happy AND when you’re stressed. Give yourself silence when you want to avoid it most. 

Your mind, body, and heart will thank you for it.