Get a life! You can’t grow your business in a vacuum.

In late 2018, right before my birthday, I officially gained the title of CEO. As a lifelong achiever this felt monumental. I was ready to take on the challenge of excelling at an even higher level!

And whether I was aware of it or not, for me that meant striving to be everything for everyone at all times and never screwing up in the ways I’d seen others do throughout my career.

Easy, right?

The wrongest of wrong.

In early 2019, I hired my first executive coach. I wish I could tell you it was a situation where I was doing so well at the CEO thing that I wanted to take things to the next level. But, that wasn’t the case.

In reality, I was sinking. My weak boundaries, desire to people please, and penchant for taking every piece of feedback I received personally were crushing me. I was trying to wear my best “leadership” mask exhibiting strength, detachedness, and decisiveness - but on the inside I was depressed, lonely, and extremely stressed out.

A couple sessions in with my coach, some of my largest issues at work had reached a manageable level. So, we started to dive in to the deep stuff - the larger behaviors and beliefs that were keeping me stressed out and stuck in business. 

And as we explored topics like over-responsibility and placating behaviors, I realized that these behaviors were bad when I showed up in business but they were infinitely worse in my personal life.

Yes, that’s right. As someone who feels safer focusing on business all day everyday, I had wanted to believe that business behaviors were business behaviors and personal behaviors were personal behaviors. However, I was starting to see how all of my not-so-helpful beliefs and mindsets were showing up in all areas of my life. 

It was horrifying. And once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it.

I don’t know if it’s a result of the pandemic…

…or if this is where society is going, but I feel like I see so many advertisements for products and courses encouraging people to build, grow, and 10x their business as a path to happiness.

Feeling existential doom? Grow your business and it won’t be so bad.

Never felt worthy enough? Make a ton of money and it will go away.

Wish you could live life more fully? Once you improve your business the good life will come.

I also happen to spend a lot of time speaking with people who are already trying to build or grow their business and have hit a wall. Yet, while they are willing to spend more and more time and money looking solely at their business, they are unwilling to look at the patterns they see in the context of their entire life. 

Perhaps they are waiting for business “success” before they give themselves permission to focus on their life. Or, maybe they have a therapist to deal with the “emotional” stuff and a coach to deal with the “business” stuff and never shall the two areas meet. 

But here’s the thing. Your business occurs within your life. You - a human being with wants, and needs, and emotions - are the one present in every moment in every area of the life you lead. 

Not accepting that everything is interconnected is 100% your choice, but it’s a little like believing your house will not be affected by global warming because you happen to recycle. 

Once I realized the patterns that were holding me back in my life and business…

…I ventured out to improve them. This meant instilling new behaviors in all areas of my life - not just in my business. 

And it worked - in enormous ways. I learned how to decide which feedback I did and did not want to take to heart. I fostered healthy boundaries around my responsibility for myself vs my responsibility for others.

In November 2019, another monumental moment in my life occurred - I took the first scary steps towards starting my own business.

However just two days before, a more silent yet equally important moment took place. I directly confronted a person who had been taking advantage of my weak boundaries, and clearly and cleanly severed the relationship. 

The two may not seem related, but for me they were. My confidence, happiness, and abundance was growing in my business world because my confidence, happiness, and abundance was growing in my life.

Nowadays - I’m still searching.

And it’s still working.

When I think about growing my business, I search for the areas of my life that need growth.

When I’m thinking about improving my work flow, I search for the areas of my life that seem stuck.

When I want to see an increase in profit, I search for the areas of my life where I feel scarce.

When you grow you business and life together, the results are infinitely more rewarding.

So why do it any other way?