What even is coaching? Part One
“I have a lot of thoughts about coaching … and none of them are good.”
This statement has been tentatively said to me more times than I can count. Every time, the person speaking these words looks as though they are about to break my heart. And every time, I laugh and respond…
“Yeah, I know. I’ve probably had them too.”
What most people don’t know is that I spent the vast majority of my life thinking the entire coaching industry was a wackadoo concept. In one of my not-so-fine moments as an early 20-something, I even straight up ghosted a guy I had been talking to because he mentioned that he had a coach. Seriously. I told you it wasn’t my finest moment.
So yeah, I totally get why as coaching continues to assume a sort of “fad” status and new coaches are popping up everywhere - people have questions, concerns, and preconceived notions they want addressed. And in my opinion, the answers that most people are seeking just aren’t super available in a straightforward no bullshit format.
So here I am - natural skeptic, former critic of coaching, and current full time coach - to answer the questions I hear most often. Today, I’m going to start with the basics.
WTF is coaching?
The best way I have to describe coaching is to compare it alongside the other activities that tend to get lumped in with it: consulting and mentoring.
Consulting is when a person uses their expertise to understand a problem a person or organization is facing and executes the solution to that problem. (Key phrase: This is my plan for helping you.)
Mentoring is when a person uses their expertise to understand a problem that a person or organization is facing and tells them how to solve that problem. (Key phrase: Just do this, this, and this.)
Coaching is when a person uses their listening, pattern recognition, and questioning skills to help a person see their own blindspots which are creating, furthering, or allowing the problematic situations in their life. (Key phrase: Are you aware that you keep saying or doing this?)
Or to put it even more simply. Let’s say you have a piece of IKEA furniture that you purchased two months ago and have yet to assemble.
You would hire a consultant to assemble the furniture for you.
You would hire a mentor to give you the instruction manual on how to assemble the furniture.
You would hire a coach because this isn’t the first time you’ve done this, and not only do you want to assemble the piece of furniture, you want to finally figure out why you never finish the things you start and do something about it.
That makes sense but I’m still confused.
Yes. I get it. That’s probably because most “coaches” and “coaching products” are in fact a combination of coaching and mentoring - or even of coaching and consulting.
That health and fitness coach who you are hiring to give you a food and movement plan and schedule based on your goals? Probably 90% mentor, 10% coach.
That social media coach who is going to give you a posting schedule AND write the first few weeks of copy for your posts? Sounds more like 70% mentor, 20% consultant, 10% coach.
That career coach who is going to help you figure out what job you want next, and help you take the steps to land interviews and negotiate your employment package? Now we are talking more up the alley of 50% mentor, 50% coach.
That executive coach who you speak with a few times a month, and you’re not exactly sure why, but suddenly your team is listening to you and your work-life balance feels good for once? You’ve got yourself a 100% coach-y coach.
The term “coaching” is a sort of umbrella term that people use to describe all types of services - including actual coaching. Personally, I’ve found that the more clarification I have around what a service actually contains - whether it be consulting, mentorship, coaching, or something else entirely - the less confusing and unwieldy it all feels.
Next time I’ll talk more about some more succinct questions about coaching I hear - and if you have any of your own, please let me know!
Audio Bonus!
Looking to hire a coach, but don't know what you should be asking for to feel more comfortable with your decision? In this audio, I speak about the best ways to measure the "street cred" of the person in front of you - whether they are a coach, mentor, consultant, or combination of the three - and also touch on the criteria you might want to ask for, but actually won't be so helpful to your decision.