My Month of 100 Clients...and the lessons I learned about how we all are
One month ago, when the coronavirus hit the arts and small business communities, I made the decision to open up my calendar to anyone in need of support. I was unsure if anyone would take me up on my offer, or if my usual style of coaching would even be helpful given the circumstances, but quite frankly it was the only thing that I could think of to do.
As a result, I spent this past month in coaching conversations with 100 people. These 100 people - 21 existing clients, 13 old friends, and 66 total strangers - were my living, breathing window into how we have all been processing this enormously global shift. They included actors, writers, circus performers, CEOs, musicians, publicists, photographers, business owners, directors, producers, speakers, administrators, mothers, fathers, students, sound engineers, professors, and dancers - all from totally different corners of the industry, all extremely similar in their worries and concerns.
Increasingly, I’ve had more and more people asking me if they are alone in how they are thinking, feeling, and acting throughout this time. So I thought I would share some of the insights these 100 people have provided me with in the hopes that you will see that none of us is really alone right now.
There is no wrong way to be.
“I feel as though I’m behind.”
This exact sentence has been spoken to me by eight different people in the past four days. Recently, many people have articulated a growing fear that they are not being productive enough right now to succeed on the other end of this pandemic. Or perhaps, if they were better at processing their emotions they might be experiencing the life-changing perspective shifts this time period has to offer. Or is it possible that this time of isolation is actually making, dare I say it, happy? And is it bad if they don’t want this new found freedom to end?
A client recently referred to this guilt-ridden worry swirl as “the isolation within the isolation.” And yes, we are all feeling it.
The isolation within the isolation will tell you that you are alone in your behavior. It will take examples of the outside world and highlight your biggest fears about yourself and your life. It will kick comparison mode into overdrive and magnify your insecurities. It will make you believe there is a race to be won.
The antidote? As much as is possible, be okay with being how you want to be today, and being how you want to be tomorrow. There is no race. You’ve got time. We’ve all got time.
It was never about the money.
One great thing about speaking individually to a lot of people in a very short amount of time is the abundantly clear patterns it exposes.
Week 1 brought concern about lost money and what that would mean for shelter, food, and safety.
Week 2 brought concern about money to be made and how to be productive in the face of lethargy.
Week 3 brought concern about the sources of earned money through this time and what that meant in terms of identity.
Week 4 brought the concern that it was never really about the money at all.
Money is like tofu - it takes on the emotional taste of whatever you cook it in. It is the ultimate scapegoat. Worried about your safety? Must be a money problem. Want to feel productive? Focus on making money. Uncertain about your worth as a human or artist? Just measure it in terms of money.
Out of the 100 people I spoke to this month, 93 led with “My biggest concern is money.” For 2 people, that was true. For the remaining 91, a few more minutes of conversation uncovered the real top of mind issue - and issue typically rooted in their sense of self that felt scary and impossible to address. So they said it was money. Because that’s what society tells us to do.
When we default to making everything about money (even the things that aren’t), we lose out on the chance to really heal and grow.
The flow of humanity has not stopped.
It still exists and it is still in motion, creating new beauty, new joy, new laughter, new hope every day.
I have a written list of all of the people I’ve had conversations with this month, which I read every night before I go to sleep. As I do, I see a colorful collage filled with flashes of shared moments.
There are toddlers giggling and discoveries of shared hometowns. Extraordinary visions for education reform, one million dollars raised for artists, and brand new businesses being started. There are hula hoops on fire, plants in painted skulls, Ted talks, and astrology charts. And of course there is the laughter, the tears, and an abundance of the phrase “weird times.”
It reminds me that there is so much life in each and every day - even as we are all stuck in our homes, even if we have spent the whole day napping, even if we are deep in the hustle. We are all continuously creating the whole of humanity together. We are all participants. Whether we see it or not, whether we mean to or not, we are contributing.
I am contributing.
You are contributing.
To my 100 people, especially the 66 who I just met this month, thank you forever for sharing an hour of your time and life with me. I cherish it deeply.
I’m still offering space on my calendar to anyone who needs someone to speak with - no fee, no strings, no sales pitch - just an hour of support. You can schedule directly here.