I get that I need to take time for myself. But like…how?

Here we are, many weeks into a global pandemic, constantly attempting to settle into the “new normal” on any given day. 

By now, we have thankfully been hearing more about the importance of going easy on ourselves throughout this time and creating the space we each need to mourn, heal, and recalibrate. For those of us who can veer towards productivity addiction, this is a fantastic message to hear. However, the reminder about the value of space has caused another question to appear…

But, how?

“My days went from structured to not - how do I schedule in time for myself when no time is scheduled?”

“I feel like I’m sitting around doing nothing important at all - how do I create space that is healing when I feel so guilty about the space I’ve taken?”

“I feel busier than ever and like I’m being pulled in a thousand directions - how do create the space when there is none?”

“Whenever I take space, it feels like I return to a to do list that is twice as long - how do I take time for me without making it more stressful in the end.”

Sometimes, the advice we most need to integrate into our lives is the advice most perplexing to integrate into our lives. Yet, many of us stop short of asking the “how” question because we assume we are the only ones facing confusion.  

So, if you have been asking yourself “But, how?” in response to the “take more space” advice - know that you are not alone. And here are some pointers on how to tackle the daunting task of taking the time you need.

Stop with the guilt.

Yes, I’m starting with the advice that is the most hard to take and also inspires another “but, how” question. But it’s important to start with the guilt factor. When it comes to your emotional and energetic state…

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for.

You never did have anything to feel guilty for, but especially now, everyone is feeling a bit wobbly in their energetic and emotional state. Everyone. Every. One. 

The more open you are to the concept that even at your most guilt-ridden, your feelings of guilt are simply rooted in fear and anxiety rather than reality, the more equipped you will be to create the space you need. 

Schedule yourself in.

Whether your currently schedule is wide open or your days are free, actually physically scheduling time in for you is key. Two general rules apply:

1) It’s easier to grow something from nothing. 

If you are short on free time, start with scheduling in small 15-minute chunks of time throughout the day. And then, in a week, graduate to 30-minute chunks. And then, in another week, maybe put aside one half day in your week. And so on and so forth. Sometimes we humans try to wait until the conditions are perfect to reserve the space we need, but when we do that, we exhaust ourselves in the waiting process. I’ve found it’s better, more manageable, and more effective to start small and grow over time. 

2) Contrast can help with effectiveness.

If your calendar is wide open and you are struggling with structure, you don’t need to plan out your entire day every day in order to create space for yourself. You may only need bookends to your you time. For example, if you’d like to spend four hours taking space for yourself, perhaps you might schedule in a virtual co-working session with a colleague before those four hours begin and schedule a call with a friend after those four hours are done. This is essentially the time equivalent of a coffee mug. If you want to drink coffee, pouring coffee straight into your empty hand may feel frustrating. However, if you put a container such as a coffee mug in your hand and pour coffee into it, it will feel more fulfilling to drink.

Be open and straightforward.

If you are at the point where you need time, and you need to say no to something or someone in order to get it, simply state the truth. The statement “I’m overwhelmed and I need x amount of time for myself,” is clear and powerful. It’s vulnerable and honest, but is also succinct in a way that doesn’t at all run the risk of being unprofessional or too much. Plus, most people struggle with taking time for themselves - especially now - and by being clear about doing so for yourself, you will likely serve as an inspiration for others to do the same.