Impossible - The Self Fulfilling Prophecy
When I lived in Amsterdam, there were many culture shocks that I and my American friends encountered. None was so jarring as ‘niet mogelijk’.
‘Niet mogelijk’ means ‘not possible’ in dutch. And it is a very commonly spoken phrase in the Netherlands.
Nearly every day, one of us would return to our apartment complex and would share, with laughter and frustration in our voice, yet another example of something we were told ‘wasn’t possible.’
What confused us most was that most things were, in fact, quite possible.
We heard: Want to sign up for that course? It’s not possible.
They meant: Special permission from the instructor is required and you would have to get it yourself because I don’t feel like it.
We heard: Want to extend your time in Amsterdam beyond your visa? It’s not possible.
They meant: A lot of people do it, and there is a way, but it’s a risky process that may not suit everyone.
We heard: You want to buy tickets to that event? It’s not possible.
They meant: I’m pretty sure tickets are selling quickly and there may only be a few if any left.
At first, we took their response at face value, assuming that we were all unlucky people with unreasonably high expectations. Eventually we realized that ‘niet mogelijk’ really meant ‘I’m not sure if that’s possible’ or ‘that requires more work than I would personally invest’ or ‘I’m annoyed and don’t want to talk to you’.
From that point forward, when we wanted something, we asked. We suggested solutions. We followed the trail a little longer than before.
We watched as most impossibility transformed into possibility. And our entire experience changed.
Most of us have strong limits in our mind regarding what we think is possible. And it’s not really serving.
You may be reading this and thinking, “Lisa, is this going to be an ‘if you can dream it - you can do it’ post where you tell me that the reason I’m not a billionaire is because I don’t believe it hard enough?”
No! Not really. Though for what it’s worth, I have a client who wanted to build a billion dollar company from scratch, but was lukewarm in embracing that they really wanted it. We got crystal clear on their vision, and 6 months later, they are set to have a 10 million dollar year. So, I’m very much not opposed to the idea.
But I’m talking about much smaller, yet enormously impactful, potatoes.
You may have a strong belief that it’s not possible for you to switch industries in your career because you don’t have the right education/credentials/experience. So you venture forward in a career and an industry that makes you miserable, never really checking to see what opportunities are out there.
You may firmly believe that it’s not possible for you to be happy unless you’re in a relationship. So you delay your happiness, putting any self-fulfillment on hold, until you have a permanent date nailed down.
You might think it’s not possible for you to attract a certain level of friendship into your life. So you keep spending your time with people who drain you and put you down, opting to avoid feeling lonely and giving into the idea that this is as good as it’s going to get.
When it comes to your dreams, I have no idea what will actually manifest. I can not say with absolute fortitude that if you dream it, you will do it.
But I can guarantee this. If you don’t let yourself dream it, you won’t do it. Our actions only meet the level of possibility our thinking allows. So if there is something you are waiting to happen to you, but you barely believe that it could - it likely won’t.
So what next?
My experience is that most people, especially achievers, are overly concerned with being reasonable, logical, and not delusional.
I’m by no means god, but I speak with a lot of people about their dreams. And I can say that anyone who has ever expressed true concern to me about ‘being delusional’ in their hopes and dreams is typically the person who is furthest away from thinking outrageously.
And also - so what?
So what if your dreams are a stretch? So what if your thinking is extravagant? There are few things in this life that we have full agency over and our thoughts are one of those things.
It may seem small but fully owning and accepting your own hopes, desires, and dreams is a powerful act that most people struggle to take. Because once you see it as possible, you will start to see more possibility all around. So much so, that you may feel increasingly tempted to act accordingly. And then it’s game on.
There is no rush to embrace the possibility you want to see in your life. And there is no requirement to think big. Your version of embracing possibility may be accepting seemingly small gestures of support from your immediate community that you were previously too ashamed to accept.
However, many of us are running a series of societal programs in our minds. And many of this programs have subtle walls of “not possible” built in.
If you’re feeling stuck, or looking for more, it might be time to tear some of those walls down, bring your dreams into the sunlight, and see what is actually possible in this lifetime.