Why “there’s nothing left” is the absolute worst thing you can tell yourself

The summer after I graduated from high school, I needed a job.

Up until that point, I had the luxury and privilege of focusing entirely on a full-time year round extracurricular schedule. With that now gone my parents made it clear - it was time to get to work. 

Most of my friends had years of experience waiting tables, folding clothes, serving coffee, and scooping ice cream after school and during the summers. So, these were the jobs I applied for - only to hear back that I didn’t have enough experience to stand a chance in the saturated summer hiring pool.  

Exasperated, I declared, “Mom, there’s nothing left! I guess a job just isn’t in the cards for me.” I was secretly holding out hope that she would finally drop the whole job thing and offer to fund my summer. 

Instead, she handed me the phone book. 

“Surely there is some doctor’s office, dentist’s office, law office, or insurance office that needs filing done. Talk to me when you’ve called them all,” she replied

I was stunned. Didn’t she understand?! I had already tried to find a job and here she was, subjecting me to unnecessary embarrassment! Cold calling people to ask for work? There was nothing more horrifying I could have imagined.

But my mother - a woman who has persistently and admirably carved out every professional path she’s walked down - knew something I didn’t. 

Not only were there jobs out there, there were jobs out there that were better paid and better suited to me than the ones my friends all had. 

However, in order to secure one, I couldn’t simply submit a formalized application and wait for a verdict from the powers that be. I would have to be a vulnerable participant in the crafting of my own future, and in the process, face a much larger potential for discomfort, awkwardness, and rejection. 

Two days and 79 calls later …

I was exhausted, defeated and demoralized. Every single place I called refused to even entertain the idea of exploring summer work. There was only one place left on my list before I would have to go back to my mother and accept her next assignment that, in my teenage mind, was bound to be even more cruel than this one.

I called the final place, bracing myself for the inevitable. Yet as soon as I mentioned summer work, the woman on the phone said, “Actually, yes! We are looking for help! Can you come in tomorrow at 9am to speak with the owner?”

Within 24 hours I had a job. And let me tell you, it was the most fantastic job I could have hoped for.

That summer, and for the next four years during school breaks, I worked as a part-time administrative assistant at an insurance agency located a 2-minute walk from my house. I had my own computer and desk, could take a break whenever I wanted, had nonstop access to free coffee, developed meaningful connections with my coworkers, and learned the ins and outs of auto and home insurance policies - which let me tell you, has come in handy in my adult life.

The unfortunate truth is that…

If you had told me at the beginning of my cold call campaign that my dream job was definitely in that list of 80, I still wouldn’t have opted into making the calls. I was indignant over what I perceived as the circumstances being stacked up against me, and the discomfort with putting myself out there was overwhelming. 

And that’s the horrifying truth many of us deal with. The opportunities and possibilities we seek are out there for us. Chances are, they don’t look like what everyone else is chasing.

Cliches like, “When they go left, we go right,” advise us to seek out our own path forward. This is great, except we then forget - there is probably a good reason so many of them are going left.

That reason usually has to do with discomfort around vulnerability, rejection, or the unknown - three things that easily stimulate our fight or flight response and prevent us from acting in our best interest. 

So what do we do about it? 

It’s quite simple. We ask ourselves what we have done about our given situation, not what we have thought about our given situation.

In my years of coaching, but especially in the past few months, I have heard similar complaints about lack of opportunities. And my response is usually a variation on the same theme:

You say: Nobody’s hiring.
I ask: How many jobs have you recently applied to?

You say: There are no clients out there.
I ask: How many people have you recently spoken to?

You say: Nobody wants to perform my music.
I ask: How many people have you recently sent it to?

You say: Nobody’s donating money.
I ask: How many solicitations have you recently made?

If you say none or one or five, I find myself sounding like my mother, and say:

Let me know when that number is 50, then let’s talk.

Because what I know is that the opportunities and possibilities are out there. Yet, in order to get them, you will have to be a vulnerable participant in the crafting of your own future. 

And yes, in the process, you may face a much larger potential for discomfort, awkwardness, and rejection - but if you’re willing - the outcome is likely to be greater than you ever could have imagined.