The not-so-secret ingredient your business strategy is probably missing

Growing up with a Muslim parent and family, I have spent a lifetime fielding curious questions about Ramadan from friends and strangers alike. And while I am a huge advocate for unabashed curiosity, and really love answering these questions - I feel like nobody ever seems to really hear my real answers.

Ramadan, of course, is a Muslim holiday that is best known for its grueling and lengthy fasting schedule. And yet, the truth is, the whole ‘point’ of the holiday is not entirely about abstaining from food and water during daylight hours.

The overarching theme of the holiday is actually more about charity.

“But if it’s about charity, then why give up food and water, Lisa?” Without diving into a totally different-than-intended blog post, I’m going to put it this way. With anything - holidays, business, fame, anything - there are the easy-to-see parts that are extreme or attractive or provocative. Usually, these parts are a means to an end - not the end itself. 

We, as humans, often become distracted by the surface level stuff. Even when we think we aren’t - we are. Referring to Ramadan as “the holiday where Muslims abstain from food and water during daylight hours for a month” is much more catchy and easily digestible than referring to it as “the holiday where Muslims examine, clean up, and cultivate who they really are being in this world by undergoing multiple forms of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual purification and fortification while also abstaining from distractions and luxuries to reach a deeper level of introspection and peace - a place from which an abundance of charity makes its deepest and widest impact.” Right?

Ramadan isn’t the only place that the importance of giving and generosity can go unnoticed from the outside. My experience is that generosity is a key ingredient to success in any area - especially business. And yet, many people don’t practice it regularly as a part of their professional growth strategy. 

Often times, people become worried that they can only “afford” to become generous once they’ve reached a certain point - that if they give too much before that point, they will be taken advantage of and perceived as weak. 

Since the practice of generosity is not something that is widely marketed as “The Secret Way to 10x Your Business,” many people have no context for carrying giving and generosity into their business in an appropriate and expansive way. It is not uncommon for people with good intentions to end up feeling more scarcity, fear, and resentment after endeavoring to give more in their business. 

Here are a few mistakes I see regularly, and how to remedy them:

Mistake #1: Trying to give from an empty cup.

One of the biggest perspective reframes for generosity that is available to you is that generosity is a mindset - not an action. 

Yes, we can engage in generous actions - giving someone our time, giving someone our money, etc. However, when we see generosity as a mindset, we start to open ourselves up to generosity of spirit. 

Generosity of spirit can look like inviting someone to come along on a journey with you because they seem isolated. Generosity of spirit can look like sharing a piece of information with someone that would deeply serve them even when it feels a little vulnerable for you to share. 

Generosity of time and money are important, yes, but they are tangible. In order to give money, you need to have money to give. In order to give time, you need to have time to give. And often times, to those people who see these two things as the only or best forms of generosity, this can put them in a real bind. 

People who are struggling financially or have time-consuming responsibilities will often times give away more money or time than they can afford because they want to be generous. But ultimately, that generosity quickly hits a wall and it becomes depletion - which is not productive or tenable. 

So, if your time or money cup is empty, please do not try giving excessively from it. Rather, give abundantly from your heart and spirit. 

Be open. Create belonging. Share words of love. It is just as valuable, and will allow you to expand - not deplete - your well of time and money.

Mistake #2: Giving with expectation.

We live in the 21st century so you have probably heard of the law of karma. What goes around comes around. Give and you shall receive. You reap what you sow.  

I’m a firm believer in this thinking - but many of us take it too literally. I speak to so many business owners who can rattle off, with an aftertaste of bitterness, the last five acts of generosity they performed. With exasperation they ask, “When will it come back to me?!” And while they are engaging in acts of generosity, this exclamation is a sign of a pattern that they are headed in the wrong direction.

Yes, acting with generosity benefits you too. However, giving with the expectation that you’re going to receive immediate, noticeable, and equivalent rewards in return is a bit like putting out a bird feeder and getting upset that you can’t summon a specific bird at your whim. 

In reality - you put out a bird feeder because you want to attract more birds. And the more birds you attract, the higher the likelihood you’re going to see more beautiful and rare types. And while the birds are at your feeder, they will stop to eat some insects. So now, you’ve got healthy birds, healthy plants, a vibrant yard, and probably a few overfed squirrels as well. Everyone wins - except the insects.

When we give with expectation, we become the person proclaiming their bird feeder is broken while 12 birds hang around outside of it - just because that one bird didn’t show up. Giving with expectation feels good for nobody and it misses the point. 

If you are giving, especially in the context of business, give with intention of cultivating the type of business ecosystem you want to see in this world. Give with the intention of treating others the way you want your community to interact with itself. Give with the intention of contributing to a culture that will lift everyone up. When we engage in this kind of generosity, we impact more people and open ourselves up to a greater return than we ever could have imagined.

Mistake #3: Engaging in reactive giving.

Hi people-pleasers! It’s nice to see you again. Do you feel like you are giving soooooo much? Whenever someone asks you for something, do you say ‘yes’ in 99.9% of situations? Do you even notice what people have asked for in the past and have started preemptively giving them those things? And yet, do you feel like nobody notices? And yet, do you feel drained?

This is because you are giving as a reaction to the requests and desires of other people - not from a place of giving what YOU have decided that you want to or even can. 

This is a tricky dynamic because it really feels quite selfless and on point in the moment. After all, you are giving the people what they are asking for! Isn’t that the greatest form of altruism? Unfortunately, no.

It’s very important that we seek to give from a place of knowing both what we can give and what we want to give. When we do this, yes, there will be times where someone asks for something that we say yes to. 

For example, you may have already decided that you want to give $500 to charity this year and are looking for the right charity. In the meantime, someone may come along and solicit you for a donation for their charity. This is great!

And yet, it is very different from you giving $500 to a charity just because someone asked you to, with no thought or understanding of how much money you have, how much money you want to give, or even if this charity is aligned with your value system. 

Will this happen sometimes? Absolutely. But when this is the norm - when your generosity is built off of everyone else’s requests and expectations - you are not engaged in generosity. You are engaged in people pleasing. And as I’m sure you know, people pleasing behavior is ultimately a losing game for everyone involved.

What next?

If you resonate with any of these scenarios, my advice to you is to have a plan. Especially when it comes to time and money - what do you have and want to give? What does that look like this week, this month, this year? What type of environment do you want your generosity to cultivate? 

Clear any expectations of visible, immediate, or equitable returns. And then, go forth and give. 

When we are able to give from a healthy place inside, we inspire others to do the same. It becomes the gift that keeps on giving, and ultimately creates a culture around giving that is sustainable, joyous, and exponential in its reach.