The embarrassment! - part two of my story

A therapist I was seeing my junior year of college once challenged me to go a day without wearing makeup. 

It was horrible.

It was not as though I had a makeup addiction. And I wasn’t ashamed of what my face looked like underneath the paint. I had a different sort of problem.

I was addicted to control.

And not only that, I was committed to the delusion that the more in control I was - of myself, of my appearance, of my surroundings - the more worthy I was. 

My therapist had caught on. She pointed out that my obsession with appearing “put together” was holding me back in more ways than one. 

I had no conceivable idea what she could possibly be talking about.

Eventually, I figured it out.

Nowadays, I end up speaking with a lot of new(ish) coaches who remark, with a fair amount of surprise, how much more difficult the career is than they had originally thought. They seem almost ashamed when they tell me this, as though they are admitting a scandalous secret.

And I understand. Of course they’re confused. 

These days, one can toss a pebble and hit both a coach who is touting the magical ease with which they built their thriving practice as well as a handful of programs painting coaching as the latest get rich quick scheme.

But, not once - not ever - have I met a successful professional coach who hasn’t had a prolific series of cringe-worthy moments in their past. And in many ways, this is what makes them successful.

The lessons we learn in the dirt, on the field, are the greatest lessons we can experience. And if we are shooting for the perfection and sheen that we see on social media or in marketing campaigns, we won’t allow ourselves to get messy.

Sure, if we don’t fumble at all in the process of growing our coaching practice, we get to feel like we are in control. We get to feel put together.

But will that lead to us having a thriving coaching practice, or even confidence in our coaching abilities? 

Most likely not.

Bless the mess.

I genuinely can not count the number of embarrassing and awkward moments that I have made in my development as a coach. I have also had the benefit of having a network of mentors, coaches, and peers who are open with me about their messes and mistakes - so that I may learn from their experience as well.

However, every messy situation I’ve ended up in has led to immeasurable growth and invaluable experience. So, in this post, I’m going to share two of the biggest fears I hear about from newer coaches, and my own less than perfect history with each of these topics. 

I hope that if you’re reading this as a coach, it will make you feel less alone and more inspired to take risks. Even when it feels like you’re a total mess. Especially when it feels like you’re a total mess!

Fear #1: What if they say I’m not worth it?

This fear often comes up when new coaches are feeling conflicted about setting their rates. Inevitably, it boils down to a fear that the person on the other end of the phone will tell them what they fear most - that they are not worthy of their fees or as a person.

Well, I have been directly told that I’m not worth it by a prospective client. More than once! And I’ve got to tell you - this is a scenario of the bark is way worse than the bite.

However, for years, I was terrified that someone would bluntly reject me and say these feared words. So, to avoid it, I bent every which way to have looser boundaries, lower fees, and offer more services that I thought would make me “worth it.”  

And you know what? People still rejected me. And for those who did work with me, they didn’t get the the focus they deserved - because my attention and energy were scattered everywhere trying to please everyone. 

Ultimately, this led to a client firing me. Not because they didn’t want to pay money. Not because I hadn’t offered them enough to make our work worth it. But because, in all of the excitement and energy of trying to figure out how to be everything for everyone, I was not there for my client. I was simply not present. And so she left.

If you are caught in this trap of trying to avoid rejection in your coaching practice, I implore you stop. Rejection is a part of the entrepreneurship game. And, as a coach, your bandwidth is the most important thing. It’s what your clients are paying for. 

Any time you’re spending worrying about the future is time you’re not focused on serving your clientele. Period. 

So stop worrying so much about what those who have not hired you will think and start serving those who you are working with. It will serve you much better in the long run.

Fear #2: What if they think I’m being too salesy? 

This is something I think about often, both because I’m easily sleazed out by sales tactics, and also because I tend to use more low key sales tactics in my own business.

But here’s the thing that those close to me know - I’ve done it all. Social media, email campaigns, marketing launches, cold calls, word of mouth enrollment - you name it, I’ve done it.

And it hasn’t been comfortable.

Are there enrollment conversations I’ve had where I’ve wanted to crawl into a hole afterwards because of how awkward I felt? Yup. Are there emails I’ve sent that have felt absolutely painful to read in hindsight? Absolutely. 

Have I been off-putting to people close to me in the process of building my business? I would bet money that I have.

But, inevitably, when we are willing to continue to try new things and be in the awkwardness and attempt to grow - we grow. We adapt. We find what works for us.

When we are afraid of coming across as “too” anything - too pushy, too salesy, too intense, too much - we don’t come across as anything at all. We neither push anyone away nor attract anyone to us.

We avoid taking uncomfortable action until we can’t stand the lack of results any longer - and then when we ultimately pitch our services, we come across as needy and awkward because we are out of practice and need the money. In other words, we come across as salesy - and we feel it! So the cycle continues.

If it makes it any easier, what I know is that people are pretty forgiving. Again, am I sure I’ve been off-putting to some in my life in the process of building my coaching practice? Yes, I’m pretty certain. But, have I lost important connections in my life as a result? No - I haven’t. Most people don’t. 

So give yourself a break, and try it all out. Don’t limit yourself to just one method - try everything. Get messy. Be awkward. 

Will it be wildly uncomfortable? Yes! But, it will push you to learn and grow faster, which ultimately is what you - and your clients - want.

Part 3 of this story will shed light on what I believe to be the most important part of my own development as a coach - the team I built up around me. Stay tuned.

You can read part one here.