Sequencing Matters
When I was in graduate school, I had a work study job that involved a lot of standing around with faculty members waiting for the building operations team to come open doors.
In retrospect, it was a pretty cool opportunity. I went to a world-class music conservatory, and all of the faculty members were extremely accomplished musicians. And so, this work study job essentially put me in the position to regularly make small talk with these wildly creative people while we waited for their room to open up.
I learned a lot.
One of my favorite faculty members to kill time with was this trombonist who was so talented, he had started his professional orchestral career in his teenage years. A name-recognized leader in the field, this man was also a father, an esoteric enthusiast, and a bit of a trickster who loved both educating children and regularly trying to guess my astrological sun sign.
One day, we were talking about some performances I had coming up and the difficult music I was preparing. I asked him if after all of these years, there were still pieces that scared him. Did he, famous trombonist that he was, ever receive a piece of music and think, “This will be so difficult to learn!”
He thought for a moment with a look of curiosity on his face and then looked me straight in the eye and said:
“No, I don’t think so. I mean, I’ve played all of the notes before so many times - they’re just in a different order!”
I paused. He laughed. The door opened. And that was that.
If you didn’t get the joke, here’s the punch line:
If mastering music were as simple as learning each note separately so that no matter the order, one could play the piece flawlessly - everyone would be a prodigy. No, everyone would be a computer.
But we aren’t computers. We are humans.
And when it comes to humans - sequencing matters.
This isn’t rocket science
One of the most common phrases I hear from my executive and leadership coaching clients after a helpful session is, “None of this is stuff I didn’t already know! But now I feel like I’m seeing it.”
When it comes to advancing in the ‘invisible’ areas of life - personal satisfaction, happiness, peace, power, etc. - information is only one part of the process. And in fact, information is the smallest part of the process.
We all know that turning off our electronics and sitting out in nature more will create more peace. We all know that not sweating the small stuff will lead to more happiness. We all know that saying ‘no’ more and setting better boundaries will give us more of a feeling of personal power.
But, here’s the thing.
No amount of knowing that I need to drink water will make my hydrated.
The knowing what one ‘could’ do is rarely the issue. Where most of us struggle is in both knowing and understanding what will be helpful for us to do right now based on our specific circumstance.
Understanding means understanding the implications of taking the action and also understanding the implications of not taking action. Understanding means feeling it to your bones. Understanding means really seeing.
You and I don’t need to see our lab-tested hydration levels to understand that it’s time to take a sip of water. We understand the implications of not drinking water. Our body tells us both that and when it’s important to drink the water.
When we think that information alone is the path to moving forward, we actually end up making it way harder for ourselves. Why?
Well, tell me if this sounds like a familiar scenario:
You or someone else you know is a professional development enthusiast. You’ve taken all of the personality tests. You’ve read all of the books. You know time blocking techniques, and the benefits of meditation, and can recite how to do a SWOT analysis in your sleep.
And yet, you’re miserable and stressed at work. Your boss doesn’t appreciate you. You feel increasingly unmotivated. And you need more and more time to recover from the week.
How could this happen? You know all the things?
One of three things is probably happening:
You are so caught up in the illusion of ‘knowing’ all of the methods, that you haven’t actually acted on any of the methods.
You know so many methods, you are confused about where to start and which one will be helpful.
The biggest issue you’re facing may be - for example - low self esteem, but that feels very scary to confront for you so you’ve decided the biggest issue is time management. So, even though you are implementing a methodology, it isn’t helping, because you’re not implementing the right one for right now.
Know thyself
The more in tune we are with ourselves, the more that our bodies and our lives will naturally provide us with the next most important thing to work on.
Notice I didn’t say mind.
The reason so many of us struggle to figure out the appropriate sequencing of our own learning and growth is because most of us are caught up in the mind. We try to logic our way into something that really has very little for logic.
If you are annoyed by me saying this - don’t worry - a small part of me is annoyed by it too. But it’s true.
When we try to approach our own personal or professional growth from a place of disembodied logic, the mind will tell us that all we need is to get better at time management, when what we need is to spend more time in nature. Our mind will tell us that all we need to do is grind and work hard, when what we need to do in that moment is learn to set boundaries. Our mind will tell us that there must be something inherently wrong about us that is why we feel this way, when what we need to do is slow down and accept ourselves a little more compassionately.
It’s not that time management, hard work, or critical self-reflection are bad or not helpful. But, they’re not always helpful. Sometimes they’re hurtful. It depends.
Same notes, different order
To the trombonist’s point about all music having the same notes, just in a different order - let’s talk about composers and songwriters.
What makes the difference between a radio hit and cheesy television jingle?
What makes the difference between a symphonic masterpiece and a senior composition project?
What makes the difference between the music of your favorite artist and the music of your least favorite artist?
They’re all using the same notes, right? Yes, but they are in a different order.
All of the self-help advice that is out there has some kernel of applicability somewhere to someone. But it doesn’t mean that person is you. Or maybe, it doesn’t mean it’s you right now.
Advice or a process that worked for you five years ago may no longer work because it may no longer address the issue at hand.
We evolve. Our lives evolve. Situations change.
And if you want to create the masterpiece of your own life, it is really important to understand that sure, you can be practicing all of the ‘best’ techniques. But that’s not going to be enough to create mastery.
Mastery is in mastering the sequence as well.
So if you’re not where you want to be, and you’re frustrated because you feel like you’ve been scrambling to do all of the right things - you may in fact be doing all of the right things.
You just might be doing them in the wrong order for you.