Freeze! What to do when you feel frozen in inaction.

When I was in college, I had a friend who would become absolutely paralyzed by her to do list. She explained to me that this was something she had endured since she was a child. Even the shortest list of items would trigger inaction. All it took was one action item too many, and just like that she was lost in her own mind.

There was, however, one thing that would help her get back in action once she froze. If she could vocalize her to do list to another person, and they could repeat it back to her one item at a time, that would slow her down enough to write out a list. And once she had the list, she had enough clarity to get into action.

When she was younger, her parents used to do this for her. And as she got older, she would enroll friends to support her in slowing down and getting clarity.

She had a system. The system worked. Without it, she was frozen. But once she employed it, she was back in business.

Everybody hurts

If you just read that anecdote and are experiencing judgements - don’t worry. I used to judge her too. 

I used to wonder why she couldn’t just keep a running to do list. 

I used to judge her as needy for requiring another human to clear her mind.

I used to ask myself why she couldn’t just get it together and take action on her list.

I never voiced any of this out loud, but it was definitely running in the background. At that point in my life, becoming frozen in anxiety wasn’t something that was familiar to me. I was learning my own slightly different set of life lessons. I couldn’t empathize with what my friend was experiencing, and since it didn’t make any logical sense to me, I judged it.

Until one day, I found myself sitting at my computer frozen. I had a ton of work to do. I didn’t know how I was going to get it done. I knew I should just write it all down, but I couldn’t bring myself to do so. And I knew that I could just start with one item but I couldn’t move.

I was frozen. And I needed help.

Every machine has a tipping point

I started writing that it would make sense for humans to be so hard on ourselves if we were computers. But that’s not even true.

When our computer starts performing poorly due to overheating, most people will start tending to it like a newborn to cool it down. We place fans and air conditioners nearby. We put the computer on well-ventilated surfaces. We clear unnecessary files from the system and sometimes, we give the computer a break.

We recognize that the computer itself is not broken or malfunctioning. We recognize that we have pushed it to or beyond its capacity and therefore, its function is starting to slow. Even though the temperature doesn’t have anything to do with the quality of the parts, after a certain point the temperature impacts how well the parts are functioning. At a high enough temperature, and the best built computer will stop working altogether.

Our internal emotional state is the temperature regulation system when it comes to our productivity. We can have the know how. We can have the motivating factors in place. We can have the intention. 

But when we are anxious, depressed, or overwhelmed, our brain can quickly reach a tipping point and before we know it, we are frozen in inaction with seemingly no way out.

Defrosting in the warmth

If you find yourself in this place of paralysis, the most essential first step is self-compassion.

Why? Well, without self-compassion, you are more likely to get stuck in a self-blame spiral that keeps your frozen. Without self-compassion, you may feel too embarrassed to ask for help. Without self-compassion, you are more likely to have the anxiety, depression, or overwhelm flood back in a few hours or days later.

Remember, if you are frozen in inaction, it is more likely than not due to an emotional experience - not a lack of competence. So, collecting more time-hacks isn’t going to address the underlying issue.

However, to that point, if you don’t have go-to tools or systems like my friend in college, now might be the time to research some. Keep in mind that just because a system works for someone else, it may not be the right fit for you. But if you look and try a few out, you will find one or a few with which you resonate. 

Compiling a list of tools when you aren’t in overwhelm is key to getting you out of overwhelm because it can be very overwhelming to try to figure out tools when you are already frozen. This is an example of current you helping future you out. And there is no better way to foster self-compassion than doing yourself a solid.

While it is extremely common to become frozen in inaction, the experience can still be jarring. By understanding what is actually going on, eliminating self-judgement, practicing self-compassion, and employing tools that work for you, you can get yourself in action in no time and create a system where freezing is a less and less frequent occurrence.